WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
