He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
