god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
