Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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