So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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