You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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