I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
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Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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