McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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