My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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