We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize