So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
