Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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