i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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