At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
