tequila makes me forget i have legs
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I supernannyed him into submission
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
