He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
