I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
