Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
so much tequila, so little girl.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
