Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How external is "for external use only"?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
