It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
