if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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