how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
