ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
