i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
