Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
