i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
