i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Come see our sink grown plant.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
