i just had sex bonerless
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
