it was like his penis was on wheels.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
