suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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