I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
