so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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