Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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