who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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