well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
