Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
