i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
