So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
