this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
