I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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