I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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