I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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