this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
