Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
