do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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