So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dick very happy bro
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
