i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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