Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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