i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize