Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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