I wannas sexs uuuuu
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
