Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
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Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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