Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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