We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
dude. I can hear the air.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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