Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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