I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
