All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Randomize
