Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
