8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
im holly from the hills drunk
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
