My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
