turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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