i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
