He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
