I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
