i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
