Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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