I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he fucked my hip out of place.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
