did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
