I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
