He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
