I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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