Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
