I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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