Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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