I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Damn victory sex feels great
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
