everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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