Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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