So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
