i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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