so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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