eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
