i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You may now shotgun with the bride
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
