It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
