Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
