i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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