In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
