it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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